How I (Inadvertently) Wound Up Hosting Christmas

Here is what I would have written, before 10:30 AM on Christmas morning:

We had plans to go up to MIL's shared vacation condo for the holiday, though we knew that the change in altitude could be a problem for B's chronic lung disease. The Preemie Clinic said his lungs were good enough to try but since even term babies can have trouble, we should watch for trouble sleeping, throwing up, and appetite issues. I think A and I were both hoping that B would miraculously take to leaving home (Thanksgiving involved a relatively small rise in elevation and a stay at MIL's house, and that's when the Battle Over the Bottle started). How nice would it be to have a few days away, skiing and sharing baby duties? So nice!

But it wasn't to be. Soon after arriving at the condo on the 23rd, B threw up. He wasn't showing any dangerous signs of oxygen desaturation so we decided to wait it out - leading us and him to a miserable night. Starving but refusing to eat, B would sleep heavily for three hours, then wake up to scream at us for an hour before taking some food. It could have been worse - the dry air up high always makes my lips crack, if the kiddo really refused to eat he could've become very dehydrated very quickly. Instead, A and I slept fitfully all night and in the morning B threw up again. We broke the news to MIL, opened presents, and drove home.

Luckily, B was mostly back to his old self after getting back to the house. A, however, was clearly bummed to be missing Christmas with his brother and mom, not to mention missing out on some sweet skiing. I've been feeling so trapped lately, unable to leave the house because of B's quarantine for flu season and so unable to go east to see my family, but suddenly yesterday afternoon I was psyched. Our first Christmas as a family! I'd get to cook a special holiday meal for us, stuff stockings, open gifts, and start to make our own holiday traditions. Sure, B was still having trouble settling down after missing naps (thanks, MIL!) and meals, but it was so much fun to realize that we could make the holiday our own.

I ran to the fancy grocery and got some fruit for stocking stuffers and a teether for B, ingredients for fancy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners, and a couple of surprises for A. By the time we set out all the gifts and decorated our scraggly basil plant Christmas tree, A was starting to perk up. Then, after B's 4 AM feeding, I snuck around the house putting up white Christmas lights, hanging ornaments, and stuffing stockings.  I told A to sleep in so by the time he woke, the house was decorated and I had homemade biscuits, bacon, and eggs ready to go. B is a super happy baby in the morning, so we just had fun playing with him, eating breakfast, and opening stockings and gifts. Pandora was playing Christmas music and we both were putting work aside for the day. We were going to make chicken & dumplings for Christmas dinner and go for a hike - and I promised him that I'd finish tidying up some perpetually cluttered areas as my Christmas gift to him. It was so awesome, you guys. I felt completely normal and happy and excited for the holiday, for the first time in ages.

But then came 9:30...


A's brother called and said that since we couldn't stay with them, they were coming to us. I think my exact response was, Um. Our whole house is about 600 square feet, half of that split into two bedrooms and a bathroom. We like to entertain but with a barely-adjusted baby we're fighting to feed and keep on schedule, it wasn't an appealing last minute idea to either A or me. BIL said that they would stop in for a short while, mid-afternoon. Oh, and he was bringing his sort-of ex-girlfriend who likes to tell him how disappointing he is. So fine. Whatever. I don't have the heart to outright deny my MIL access to her only grandchild on Christmas Day and an afternoon visit isn't going to kill anybody.

An hour later, at 10:30, they pull up to our house. The mountain condo is just barely over an hour away from us, so they must have put down the phone and immediately got in the car without ever warning us about the change in plans. They walk in the door ("We're early! Are you dressed yet!") with a cooler full of food and tell me that MIL brought her whole Christmas dinner so I don't need to cook and they'll be staying all day. Meanwhile A is in our bedroom trying to get B to calm down enough to eat and sleep and our dog is barking his ass off at MIL's dog and I start to get ticked. I love A's brothers and basically give them a pass in all things, but generally the the family atmosphere doesn't involve boundaries or asking first. Of our five anniversaries, one or all of A's family members have been present for four (usually MIL. If she realizes that she has invited herself to stay overnight on our anniversary, she just offers to take us out to dinner. As in, come with and pick the restaurant.)

So we went from our first Christmas as a little family to hosting Christmas for three unexpected guests. We didn't even have enough dishes or chairs, we had to haul extras out of storage. And I know that I should be happy - A got to have Christmas with his family! They brought the holiday with them, complete with roast! More the merrier, etc. For all they knew, we'd returned home on Christmas Eve forlorn and alone and they were saving the day. If it had been my family, I probably would have been touched and excited. (Of course, my family would have asked first.)

But the reality is, I lost my first Christmas as Mom and I'm bummed. I specifically said after they arrived that I didn't want to host dinner, not that they asked, but somehow it happened anyway. My stress level went from zero to one thousand almost instantly. And for what? MIL didn't even spend that much time with B because he was either sleeping, screaming, or getting mouth-breathed on as the sort-of-ex repeatedly stole him from MIL. All three guests spent the day joking about how nice we were to let them impose, but even after A suggested they go skating for an hour or two so B could settle, they still hung out for 7 hours. And then, you know what? They left us with a sink full of pots and pans and several loads of dishes to do.

I'll try to hold on to the fabulous holiday feeling from this morning, because it really was incredible. B was so happy and A and I were talking about the holiday traditions we wanted to make for him. The house looked beautiful and I felt so excited to be creating a special day for A and B. I just.. dudes, I need to get out of this state.