wheel of days

Time on house arrest quarantine is seamless time. One day is just like the next, the only difference being A's return home in the evening. Tuesday through Thursday he gets home around 7:30 or 8 at night, Monday and Friday around six or so. Since A finished with his exam last week (and passed! A is on his way to an engineering PhD in three or four years) I've had a little more time to myself. So our weekends haven't been defined yet, but our weekdays look something like this:

5 AM - B wakes up, nurses, then is ready to party. If I'm lucky he'll cuddle with me and sleep a little until 6:30 or so. If my luck is out, then B is crazyface energetic and we play in bed or the other room.


7 AM - B nurses again. A wakes up and I hand him B. I sleep while A and the baby go through their morning routine. Sometimes I can hear A talking to B, and B blowing enthusiastic raspberries in response, and it's pretty darned cute.


8 or 9 AM - B nurses again. If there's time, I go to the gym for an hour.


9 or 10 AM - A leaves for school. B nurses again (you'll notice that he's now on the 1 to 2 hour schedule instead of the 2 to 3) then goes down for an hour nap.


11 AM to 12:30 PM - B is awake. I feed him some solids, wash up, practice some physical therapy exercises and other floor games. He's getting really good at unsupported sitting! We take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood.


12:30 PM:  B nurses and goes down for an hour nap (less, these days).


1:30 PM to 3 or 4 PM - B nurses, eats more solids, sometimes nurses again. Practice sitting and playing with toys. Maybe he'll entertain himself for a few minutes at a time if we're having a good day. Fussiness increases as the day goes on. Another walk if he starts melting down or if the weather is nice.


3 or 4 PM - Nurses again, nap for an hour.


4 or 5 PM to 7 PM - Super fussy and clingy. Nursing every hour, plus solids in between, needing constant attention. More walking if I have the energy. I might try to fix myself some food, or cook a real dish if B will let me divide my attention. Bathtime, laundry, cleaning the house with B.


7 PM - B nurses, goes down for the night. A gets home after B is asleep or in the middle of the process. I run out to whatever store is still open for groceries, etc.


8 PM - A feeds a sleeping B (the only time B will accept a bottle, now). I have my first quiet stretch of the day and just want to melt into the couch with a book or my computer. I am a bad conversationalist - nothing interesting to report and very little energy to listen.


11 PM - I nurse a sleeping B. A and I head to bed - sometimes A stays up to the wee hours working on his research.


2 AM - A tries to give B a second bottle. If the baby wakes up in the process, A wakes me up to nurse B instead.


5 AM - I wake up to nurse B, he's wide awake and the day starts over.

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I have a few projects I'd like to complete, two quilts and some discovery to review. It would be nice to do something during his (ever-shrinking) naptime other than just collapse into a chair and hiss at the dog for barking.

There is so little free time in my life though. Three days in a row this week, he couldn't stay asleep on his own and so I just held him on my chest at every nap to keep him sleeping. A took him for me on Saturday (I got away in three hour segments) and seemed shocked when I got back - "You can't ever put him down any more!" Uh, yeah. The restlessness / crap napping from teething is just killing me - if it wasn't for my new Nook [which I still can never refer to without feeling a tiny bit dirty. 'Have you seen my Nook? I think my Nook is broken!' etc] I'd go crazy with boredom during these periods serving as a human mattress.

So I don't really know what to report. I get terribly sad some days, resentful or angry with the universe on others, but mostly I just feel tired and fairly cut off. I don't even pretend to be part of the law school scene any more. My life is so very different from theirs. A few friends are still in touch, but most are pretty well absorbed with graduating / moving / job hunt / dating to notice that I'm not around. I did try to reach out to make plans for coffee dates with some of my extended friends, but it never came to anything. I wasn't really surprised, I'll admit.

I'll be glad when April arrives and with it the end of flu season and end of strict quarantine. I miss people, I miss going places, having the freedom to do a simple errand. I want to take B out and show him things, more than just examining all the plants, trees, and stop signs along our walks. He's never seen another baby! For a kiddo as energetic and ravenously curious as this one, there's a whole lot of world for him to discover.